Have you noticed that generally the only way a WOC can be accepted by an otherwise all white friendship group is if she completely gives up her cultural/racial identity? Her culture is rarely a topic of conversation, unless it is being ridiculed. Any spiritual practises she may participate in are seen as inferior, compared to the typical mainstream “white religions” such as Christianity or Atheism. Anything else is not even worth acknowledging. As a self-defense mechanism, her so called “friends” say they “don’t see colour, she’s just like us” when other people comment on how much she stands out from the group because of the way she looks. At the same time, these close minded individuals are only capable of accepting her if she completely rejects various aspects of her racial identity. They only accept her if she is into typically “white” music (ie. Indie rock/pop etc.) ; none of that rap stuff or salsa or belly dancing music. They only accept her if she dislikes the food her mother makes for tea because it’s “too spicy” or “weird.” She is only accepted if she is willing to straighten her naturally curly hair or dye it blonde when her natural hair colour is a beautiful chocolate brown. She is encouraged to dress exactly the way typical white girls/women do and to hate her body the same way white women do. ”Wear those heels to elongate your legs” or “Spanx is an absolute essential to hide that tummy pooch and thunder thighs”. In order to “belong” a woman of colour must cut all ties with her roots and adopt a completely Western way of life. Even then, that doesn’t guarantee she’ll be shielded from racism. All it means is that she has given up a part of herself, a part of herself she will never be complete without.
Couldn’t have said it better myself.